Thursday, October 30, 2008

YURPS...Tap that Ass!

As I wrote in my post "New Orleans Own: 9-5ers, the Next Generation" it's no secret there's no jobs here. Trying to find a mate? The lack of a job-market precludes the existence of yuppies, so who the hell is going to treat you to a fancy blueberry mojito at St. Joe's? You best stick to the child molesters who frequent Mae's. (Ok, there are well-dressed, affluent-looking young men at St. Joe's, but I'm not attracted to them because duh, I grew up here, and they're always with girls that are dressed better than me, and I'd rather drink dollar high lifes anyway!) But instead of shaking our fists in the air and screaming like Karen from Goodfellas, my man is in the can again, he's gotta go to rehab, what the fuck but I'm so attracted to him (maybe I'm confusing situations? I don't know. Mafia hottie vs. Joe Deadbeat?) we ought to tap into the potential of this recent (Post-K) sociological addition to the dating pool: YURPS, or Young Urban Rebuilding Professionals. You better get one 'cuz they're going fast; who knows how long they'll even stick around? Post-collegiate drifters just slumming it like the hippies before they went to law school? Here to tap into our raw materials just as we might want to tap into what they've got? And then back to New England and the Mid-Atlantic? There are articles speculating these young studs' staying power.

Do you care about your city being rebuilt? Do you want a boy who believes in idealism, both the vague ideas and the concrete realities, like, your body?  How hot is a Jew boy with man's hands?  I mean, nobody can resist that.  

Right now I would like to publicly apply for the position of dating/sex columnist for the Times-Picayune.  I am so much smarter than Carrie Bradshaw.  

I think I've said too much here.  Check out the website, join the facebook group to find out about networking events.  And keep your eyes peeled.  You could even tell the difference with your eyes closed...

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

NOLA this, NOLA that: Too Meta

Why oh why do we self-promote so much? We have redefined the term self-promote. It's reflexive right? You promote yourself. To others. But what if you constantly promote yourself to yourself? What's the word for that?

I'm so so tired of every business incorporating NOLA into the title, either as a prefix or a suffix. NolaJava, Nolabeans, Nola Brewing Company, Nola Furniture, Nola tattoo, Nola cam, never ends. How is it a good business strategy if every single business adopts the same technique? Really? And it just gets old. We know we are in New Orleans, nobody is confused about it, so drop it!!!

For instance, if everybody who blogged about New Orleans arranged Nola differently in their blog title, how would you even keep track of what you were reading? Nolablog, blognola, NOblogger, NoblogLa...etc.

The "geaux" spelling is charming though. Geaux Obama! Geaux Hornets! Geaux fuck yourself!!!

But I a hipster?

So, I've been rocking the thrift store scene down here, and feeling at once lucky and guilty. I get all these great deals, and sure I don't have a lot of money, but thrift stores are not supposed to be cheap thrills for stylish urbanites; they're supposed to offer relief to struggling lower class families. Not to mention I'm getting addicted, and I feel like some superficial stay at home mom who spends her days running errands, buying herself things to convince herself her life isn't empty. (hey, at least I'm blogging about it? You don't see Carmela Soprano blogging about her plight...of course if she did she'd probably cause her entire family to get wacked...)

Am I a hipster? Because I bought black skinny jeans at Buffalo Exchange for 15 dollars? Well, no, because skinny jeans are just the style right now, and if you have a womanly body, then skinny jeans accentuate it, whereas if you are an emaciated coke hole, they make you look like an awkward prepubescent boy.

If I had known about these deals down here, I could have given the Manhattanites at college a run for their money. Dammit!!!

I wish that I knew what I know now, when I was still in college...

Winter is here, and I'm excited about boots, jeans, hoodies, cardigans, tights, etc. Does this make me a bad person?

But seriously, New Orleans is an extremely affordable city. These are my favorite thrift stores:

On the Other Hand, 8204 Oak Street: Exclusive resale boutique on Oak Street. Currently having a fifty percent off sale. Got great shoes for four dollars. Good array of pants. Were playing Cake the other day. You can trade in clothes for fifty percent store credit(no cash).

Thrift City, 601 Terry Parkway: On the westbank!!! Excellent for overalls. Bout to head over for some long overalls, now that the weather is changing.

Buffalo Exchange, 3312 Magazine: Available in nearly every big city. Hip styles, good prices. You can trade in clothes for 30% in cash of the sale price, or 30% in store credit. I went to town on Buffalo Exchange the other day, bought a purse, wedges, three blouses, and three pants.

Funky Monkey, 3127 Magazine: Though the employees all have attitude problems, this is a good place too! Got a Miller High Life Girl pirate-style hat that is just perfect!!! Good costumes, good regular clothes. You can also trade in clothes here for store credit or cash.

Red, White and Blue, 6001 Jefferson Highway: Make the trek down River Road, all the way past Clearview and the Huey P. Long Bridge, to the mecca of thrift stores. Color-coded, aisle after aisle of surprises.

Bloomin' Deals, 4645 Freret Street: Gotta love the clever name. Has a nice 50's-era vibe, as does the rest of Freret Street.

So I guess everything is about the economy. You smile if you get a good deal, you want to break shit when you can't make your mortgage payments. Hey, gas at Ideal Discount on Orleans Ave. and N. Hagan St. in Mid-City is $2.49 a gallon, unleaded regular. WHOO!

The history books will document the way you are feeling right now. Nothing, my friend, is petty. (The one lesson a blogger can teach you...)

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Thursday, October 9, 2008

Jokes? or Politics-as-usual?

This NY Times article discusses how this election year, political comedy shows' ratings have increased to record-breaking numbers. This time around, watching the speeches and debates isn't so different from watching political skits, as viewers tune in largely for entertainment value, and to see just how badly candidates might embarrass themselves. It's ready-made comedy when certain candidates (I'm not saying any names) are already caricatures.

I imagine you've already seen Tina Fey's first skit as Sarah Palin; if not, click here.

Embedded below is an SNL skit on the VP Presidential Debates:

My favorite part: (Tina Fey)Palin's closing comments, "Oh, and for those Joe Six-Packs out there, playing a drinking game: Maverick" as she cracks open an air-beer, sound effects and head tipped back...

Here's the SNL skit about the Bailout:

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

"Who Dat Say They Gonna Beat Lil Wayne? My name ain't Bic but I keep that flame"

Lil' Wayne, new blogger for ESPN The Magazine. Check out his first blogpost.

People are pissed he didn't mention the Saints once!!!

Sunday, October 5, 2008

Second Line News

Check out my article about the Vice Presidential debates, posted at New Orleans Second Line.  

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

A History of American Beer...umm, Miller High Life

I'm getting ready to brew my own beer, and that got me thinking back to the origin of the things, to the very first gathered sprigs of hop and barley, and the delightful sweetness of a surprise fermentation...etc. So one night, drinking my favorite beer, Miller High Life, I thought, hmm, what's the story? Who's the girl in the moon? Why is it called The Champagne of Beers? What did the Miller people envision with this special brew?

So I researched. Here's what I learned.

In the very fertile Miller Valley of Milwaukee, Wisconsin, 1855, Frederick Miller first founded the Miller Brewing Company. Miller High Life, it turns out, was Miller's oldest brand! I've included the WIki explanation because it is tells you everything you need to know:

"Miller High Life—This beer was put on the market in 1903 and is Miller Brewing's oldest brand. High Life is grouped under the pilsner category of beers and is 4.7% ABV. The prevailing slogan on current packaging is 'The Champagne of Beers,' an adaptation of its long standing slogan 'The Champagne of Bottled Beers.' Accordingly, this beer is noted for its high level of carbonation, making it a very bubble filled beverage like champagne. It was originally available in miniature champagne bottles and was one of the premier high end beers in the country for many years. Except for a brief period in the 1990s, High Life bottles have always been quite distinctive, as they have a bright gold label and are made of a clear glass that has a tapered neck like a champagne bottle. High Life has brought back its 'Girl in the Moon' logo, which features by today's standards a modestly dressed young lady that, by legend, is company founder Frederick Miller's granddaughter. High Life beat out 17 other contestants to take home the gold medal in 'American-style Lagers' at the 2002 World Beer Cup."

Did you catch who "The Girl in the Moon" is? Frederick Miller's granddaughter!!!

Here's a fun fact relating Miller Genuine Draft and Miller High Life:

"Originally introduced as 'Miller High Life Genuine Draft', the 'High Life' part of the name was soon dropped. MGD is actually made from the same recipe as Miller High Life, with a different treatment. High Life is heat pasteurized after packaging and MGD is filtered before packaging."

Wiki does not give a good explanation of the process "heat pasteurizing," but apparently, it is responsible for the difference between normal Miller and special Miller High Life. So I guess it translates, roughly, into "awesomeness, love, the best stuff in the world, the joy of my life..."

*note: all information was acquired from wikipedia, search terms: "miller high life"

Ok,a tangent. I've noticed that all kinds of boys will drink light beers or regular beers indiscriminately, if they're of the Miller, Bud, or Natural Brand...aka cheap, easily chuggable kinds. However, boys only smoke Camel Filters, and never Camel Lights. Why oh why???

Have a High Life today. And please observe the smoking selection of your boy and girl friends.