Oh my god, like where are we going out tonight? I really need something new, I'm in like such a funk. Oh my god, you fucking bitch, you did not just suggest Balcony. I'm like so over Balcony. Please, how about something new??? Like a different neighborhood? Oh really, you think there's no boys in Mid-City? That doesn't even make sense, what are you even talking about. Ok, I'm done with this conversation, let's see what the Bar Wheel has to say: Spppiiinnnnnnn!
The Bar Wheel landed on.....THE MID-CITY YACHT CLUB!!! Your retarded friends won't know how to get there, so they probably won't make it. But your friends who have a clue will come along and have a good time. Not only is the Bar Wheel a lifesaver, but it's also a weeding out process, if you see what I mean...
Everybody needs one. The Bar Wheel helps you expand your horizons. Keep your outlook fresh, and your experiences new, always changing. Sometimes you have to relinquish control, give yourself up to fate, the wheel of fortuna, so to speak. Like Bjork says, it's not up to you, it never really was. Nietzsche says the story of civilization is the will to power. Well, you know every friend group has a leader, that cock sucker who's like, we're doing this tonight. With the Bar Wheel, you can shrug off that age-old struggle with a simple spin, discontinue the pattern of the oppressed overthrowing his oppressor only to command the same abuse of power.
What are the limitations of the Bar Wheel? It's only made of wood, and doesn't spin on its own, unless there's a draught in the room. You can spin it and see where the pointer lands, but Bar Wheel cannot force you to go there. But that's okay; the Bar Wheel merely suggests, means to open your mind to new possibilities. The Bar Wheel doesn't know what time it is, that you just got off work and are tired, that such-and-such-place is closed, or that you want to go to some particular mediocre spot to meet somebody who won't be worth it (don't be a loser). The Bar Wheel doesn't know what kind of person you are, but it does know there's always room for improvement, so no matter your caliber, the Bar Wheel seeks to make you better. How can you go wrong?
If you want one, leave a comment with your information. And we'll even custom make you one for your city.
7 comments:
I am proud of the ingenuity involved here.
Have you ever considered the prospect of similar wheels with different functions?
What exactly am I getting for my $50 dollar check? Can it go to a good cause?
Are the legends of New Orlean's college students douchebaggery a reality?
I've got so many questions. Here, I made some music, maybe you vant to take a listen.
http://www.sendspace.com/file/acob51
besos
I definitely need this. How did you do it? Write down everything in certain radius from your house? Ingenious.
you couldn't even make one for berkeley because not only do you not know it well enough, but all the barz suck except for like two. i should move to nola....
You need a way bigger wheel - there are so many more bars than that!
Could you make one in time for Christmas? If so, lemme know what to do. Thanks!
I LOVE the Bar Wheel, no house of twenty-somethings is complete without one. O Fortuna! indeed.
Wait, is this your personal wheel? Are some of these ironic?
Like, you really go to Parlay's?
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